Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
