1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
