I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
