I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
