I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize