I think scott just propositioned me for sex
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
