I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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