hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
