It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize