Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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