I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
