Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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