I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
