You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
