Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
