i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize