no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
