God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
