I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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