You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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