i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
