yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
