now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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