Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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