He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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