I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
