and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
