I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
