my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
