No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
