Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize