my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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