Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can vaginas get frostbite?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
