He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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