either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
