It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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