Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
