It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
