Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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