i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
