i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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