There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
