brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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