he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
