That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
