Farmville is her only friend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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