well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
