tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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