He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
