I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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