Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
