Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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