Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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