Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
