True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
