can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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