The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
50% drunk capacity currently
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
