can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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