he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
