What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just gargled with NyQuil
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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