mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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