TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
