I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
