can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
