I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
