Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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