I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize