I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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