Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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