What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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