dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
