I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My breasts were aching with rage.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
