Why are handjobs necessary in class?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize