If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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