I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
