I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
