there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My pussy is not your playground.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
