you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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