It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
