I think I am morally bankrupt
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
