So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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