literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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