I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
