Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
