The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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