I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
