I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
