The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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