you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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