I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
