I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize