i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
