How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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