haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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