I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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