did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
