I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
