i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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