I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
