I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
