Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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