It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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