I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Porn is love you can see.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
