How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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