I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
