Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
