i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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