why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
