There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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