wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize