i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
