what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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