i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
