its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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