I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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