Apparently you make a good broom.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
