i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
