Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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