You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize