Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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